Because It's Too Late at Night to be Writing Something Long.

I'm such at a mellow point right now, it's not even funny.

Well, if you're feeling mellow, nothing seems funny anymore, really. There's just things swirling in your head about how far you've gone, what are you aiming for and, most importantly, why aren't you getting there?
This is a bunch of contradictions put into one. I'm so depressed thinking about my life, at the same time any small gesture can turn my mood completely. Last night a guy gave me a hug to make me feel better, and I'm still blushing now, which is so sad. True, he brilliantly identified that I seriously needed one and was willing to give it, but it wasn't even a bear hug, it was like a "friend leaving for a month" hug. Ironically, this is someone whom I used to do a LOT more than a hug with...my point is, small things seem to matter when you're focusing on the big things.

What is this? Why am I spending every vacant moment dreaming about things that shall never be? Why am I lying in bed imagining what it would be like to be so happy, you'd be giving yourself chills? Why am I listening to any available sappy songs out there, even going back to classic romances (i.e. Westlife)? Why am I looking at my phone and wondering why it's not giving me anything?

What is wrong with me?