I was cleaning up my inbox just now (an equivalent to tidying your attic - I proudly say that representing not just geeks, but the whole modern world. Admit.), and around the third page I found the email announcing I've been accepted to take part in ESWiL, which is a youth conference held in Poland.
I hesitated. That seems like so long ago.
I should've known it was coming, since I've erased the emails following that one, about the visa, the travel grant, the unbelievable venting in lack of professionalism...all the headache I had to put up with for something I didn't even go to.
I remembered when I got that email. I've been waiting for it for what seems like forever, performing my tough-senior-on-newbies-orientation duty in agony. I almost gave hope, since I haven't heard from them for so long. Then that day, I just finished a meeting, I decided to stick around in campus and check my mail.
The subject "ESWiL-You have been accepted" was pretty self-explanatory - I managed not to scream as the lab was very, very quiet, but several seconds passed in cloud nine. It was unreal.
Once I got to the ground again, I looked for the nearest person I know and eagerly told him. The second thing I did was post an ecstatic message in my local online forum. (Yes, I'm THAT geeky)
I didn't regret not going to Poland. It was my decision, which is different from the one-year-program case back in high school (which I still suffer random remorse attacks about). But the similarities made it kind of difficult to accept. I had two chances of going out there and see what the world offers, and I turned both down. Is that being considerate or stupid? Was it really about being realistic (the organizers are impossible) or was it about taking chances?
Some says I'll get another chance. Will I really, and if I do, how will I know I won't turn it down again?
A good thing came up, though: I realized the chances I get are getting better. First it was an AFS-like program where I have to pay pretty much everything. Then it was the Poland conference that will feed and facilitated me FULLY for TWO WEEKS with 25 Euro. That's astonishingly cheap, even my dad had doubts in my rejection since it was so cheap.
I'm trying to find a scholarship in Australia now. I treated it the way I treated my wishes that have come true before, and I expect success out of it. But I don't know what will happen.
Who knows, maybe in the third, fourth, maybe fifth chance, I'll get one where it fits me perfectly, and I'll finally be able to make my lifelong dream come true?
Who knows?