Thanks A Lot, God.

Shouldn't man feel really, really blessed that they continue to exist despite the fact that most of them have no idea why they existed in the first place? Whatever it is that created our existence must either have an undeniable faith that humanity will eventually understand their purpose or simply has a lot of fun watching us struggle with it.

It's those overbearing moments when you're sitting somewhere quiet, minds wandering off, when you started asking yourself, "Why am I here?"

Last time I had that moment, I was sitting on the side of the street in Ho Chi Minh, waiting for a ticket box to open. As I was drinking the questionable bottled water that I bought from some guy off the streets, I wondered how in friggin' hell did I get here, and what the heck am I here for?
Of course at the time, that last question was pretty easy: I was there to visit the museum.

I doubt that one can really understand why they exist. Furthermore, I doubt that one can really understand why they're set to exist in a particular place. Why was I born here? How did I end up being in a completely different place? Why do I have a certain kind of family, and a certain set of friends? Why did I meet the people I meet?

When I was about 14, I had concluded that my purpose in life was to be quantified by how much I impacted people around me. This was a great source of distress, because I really didn't matter to people around me. I contributed bits and pieces to my social circle, but in the long run, it would not have mattered whether I existed or not. So eventually I gave up and decided that my purpose in life was to sit in the corner and watch carefully as other people's life unfolds. At the very least, it's good entertainment. It was a revelation that I was forced to be content with.

Now, after 8 years, after being exposed to numerous personal developments and a small group of inspirational muses...I still find it hard to argue with my 14-year-old self. It's ridiculous. Here I am, with a completely new life attitude, a good set of logic, and I thought this would surely bring a new perspective of why I'm here. It just can't be that pathetic. And yet, over and over again, life has shown me that I am created here, in this world, in this situation, in this circle, to sit in the corner and watch. I wanted to argue with this fact, a lot, but this fact just kept on proving itself logically true. And again, it's a revelation that I am forced to be content with.
Source of distress? You bet. Would I change it? Yes.

But now that I seemingly understood why I exist, the next question would be : can I really change what I'm here for?

This. Is. Information Technology.

I began watching American Idol on the start of Season 3. Just for the record, I do not consider myself an AI fanatic. I like watching the show, I enjoy cooing over great performers and read some Idol blogs / fan forums like everybody else. I do not, (a) pray to whomever’s in control for my favorite to win, or (b) get involved in bashing terrible contestants and hope they rot in hell for beating my favorite.

Having that said, I sort of made an effort to watch every Finale Result show.

I’m not always that lucky though. In Season 3, I did watch Fantasia won, only like a month after the original show aired. By Season 4, my cable station was able to afford live airings, which was great. I did miss the Result though, because I had back-to-back classes at the time. All day long I avoided the internet (easier said than done, given my major) and whenever someone came up to me looking excited, I’d yell, “Don’t tell me!!”

I watched the rerun later in the day, saw Carrie won, agreed that it seemed a bit pageanty, then got on with life.

By a staggeringly lucky chance, the Result of Season 5 fell on a holiday. I had the opportunity of watching the actual live Result show for the first time. I watched and celebrated (timely) as Taylor Hicks won, and immediately started downloading Elliott Yamin videos.

To be perfectly frank, I don’t remember what exactly happened on Season 6. I remembered watching Jordin won, but I think I missed the rest of the performances (which is a shame, I really like some of the Season 6 finalists). Aside from Sanjaya’s totally awesome performance, I really don’t remember much about it.

Season 7 is definitely one of the trickiest to follow. I was already working full time, and for the first time ever, my working hours are nonnegotiable.

Now.

I continuously thank my lucky stars that I studied SciComp. Granted, I may not have came out as an academically-acknowledged graduate (that’s putting it lightly) or a prospective IT professional. I did, however, learned what I’m now convinced is the single most contributive lesson in my life: There’s always another way.

I’m quite certain that I would not have learned this mentality had I not been exposed to something as wonderfully designed as IT. There really is no better proof of how there’s no such thing as a dead end (there is, however, such thing as a deadlock, and understanding the difference brought so much perspective into my life. Seriously.). No matter what problems you have, an array of alternative solutions always exists, and trying them out one by one, even if it ends on a stall, will magically provide you a rigorous learning process you’re not likely to forget (“Why can’t I call that method? I called something similar in ASM, maybe that’ll work here..”). Even if an effective solution does not exist, you can go ahead and make one. In the simplest way possible, you make technology cater your needs.

And another amazing thing about IT is the fact that once you've learned the underlying concept (which should’ve turned your brain inside out in the first place) you find that the concept is applicable everywhere. For me, that concept was how every problem has a solution, and the process of looking for a solution should be enjoyable. True, you’d normally be up all night, stare patiently at the screen, nourish yourself with any dried empty calories available, got immensely frustrated at 11 PM only to get your second wind by midnight, bang your head / fist against the wall and occasionally talk very nicely to your computer to stop torturing you, but all this should be enjoyable. And an accumulation of those nights may have reduced my sanity, my overall sleeping hours or my lifespan, but it was worth it.

Ward Cunningham (the inventor of Wikipedia) once said: “A problem is something you savor. You say, "Well that's an interesting problem. Let me think about that problem a while." You enjoy thinking about it, because when you find the solution to the problem, it's enlightening.” Bearing that in mind, solving problems became a fun activity and asking questions (even if you don’t know the answer) turned into a mentally enriching experience instead of a waste of time. Eventually, finding a solution becomes something that naturally occurs instead of occasional moments of luck.

And that’s how I ended up watching David Cook won and enjoyed the moment exactly as it happened, even as I was sitting in a conference with 60 people, no TV in sight, in an office building 14458 kilometers away from Los Angeles. Four years ago nobody would’ve thought that a rock star like Cook would’ve won American Idol. Succeeding against all boundaries is the best victory of all, and even if my epiphany was a lot less dramatic than his, I understood what it’s like to beat the odds.